my KTVU experience

I bet some of you are curious to know how KTVU is going. Well I terminated my KTVU internship before it ended. I learned how important internships really are. Its like a "gut check" said the hardworking Amber Lee. And it sure was for me, the longer i stayed there the more i figured out that news is not where I want to be. What discouraged me? The writing! lol ironically. I guess I never really understood exactly how tedious the work of a reporter actually is. Its not just fashion and TV its more like write write write erase and edit. Im not confident in my writing and composition so i felt greatly set back. Also I saw how hard and passionate the interns worked and how much they already knew about the profession. After a while i started to feel guilty for being there... i mean i am a young lady that is going to college to become a   nurse and all of the other interns were so juiced about broadcasting and journalism. I started to think damn ... i bet there is a kid out there that would die to be in this position and here i am not really taking this serious. Of course i worked hard, completed tasks, went above and beyond expectations but in the end I wasn't fully invested. I will tell you something tho...  
Frank Sommerville: DOWN TO EARTH STUD! Im sure people might think that he might be a bit arrogant but he totally isnt. He is remarkably relatable, honest,humorous, hard working and genuinely kind. Also he adopted a black baby girl a few years back (THUMBS UP) and when he talks about her and interacts with her you can just tell that he is so in love with his daughter. She is such a cute little diva too! I spent alot of my time at KTVU talking with Frank. He asked me about my story, we talked about my brother , my sister , the future , oakland. He shared cool stories and meaningful advice. He also kind of reminded me of Superman ... he is pretty tall and handsome and just seems like a hero. He is a superstar.
Julie Haener: MISS USA BARBIE DOLL! If any of you have ever seen Julie Haener in person ...you will agree that this woman is remarkably beautiful. Best part is she is not just beautiful on the outside but she is also such a beautiful person at heart. She was so encouraging and she always gave me compliments. I love women like that...women who are physically stunning but are very relatable, kind and down to earth.
Mark Ibanez: ROCKSTAR! Mark was a straight up rockstar. He's been in the biz for a few years and he acts like it. He is really laid back and REAL. When he wasnt on camera he was at his desk in his casual jeans and white cotton t shirt. Other times he would be walking around in his Nike gym shorts and fitted workout shirt, cracking jokes. This dude is so cool , he acknowledged and greeted the janitors whenever they were around. This man was so cool and nonchalant but very serious when it came down to work and research.

 As an intern I got to see how television works and how important it is to stay on time when on air. I went out to shoot a story with two wonderful women: Erika the camera woman and Jana katsuyama the reporter. I learned how to run scrips lol  and how to log in forthcoming events in a program named the datebook. I was also at KTVU when Kenny Clutch was murdered in a shooting that led to a fiery crash on the vegas strip.That shit was crazy to see because Kenny was my friends babydaddy. She had just given birth to their daughter a few months before he was killed. It was interesting to see how reporters portrayed him and the story. All of these folks were so good to me. I feel like I spent most of my time at KTVU chatting with the wonderful people listed above...sharing stories, advice,experiences and lots of laughs. . I learned that I didnt want to be in the news biz , well actually I like to be interviewed and share my opinion on television but i dont really have an interest in creating stories and reporting. My fellow interns were such interesting and awesome people. It was great to see how passionate they were about news. I believe that one day they will be working in a news station fulfilling their dreams. I made a good connection with them as well. One intern in particular : Sherae Ann Honeycutt. She is a rockstar and KTVU loves her. Another important part of this experience is that because of it my self esteem was boosted. I am a person that struggles with my self esteem and being beautiful. Frank, Julie and Mark made me feel important and special. After sharing my personal story with Frank Sommerville he shared an unforgettably kind Facebook post about me. Hundreds or maybe thousands of people wrote kind and encouraging messages about me. It was hard to sleep that night , i was overwhelmed with the recognition, love and support that i was receiving. Around the same time that I was at KTVU , the book that was written about me and Oakland named Until You Bleed : The Caheri Gutierrez Story became published as a Kindle Single , Mark and Julie didnt hesitate to talk to me about my experience and to recognize me for the hard work that I do. Their feedback meant so much to me, you wouldnt even imagine.  I am so grateful for that KTVU experience, I taught me alot. It is something that i will never forget, something that i will be talking about to my grandchildren.

Amazon says Until You Bleed: The Caheri Gutierrez Story just sold its 500th copy!

Amazon says Until You Bleed: The Caheri Gutierrez Story just sold its 500th copy!

Until You Bleed: The Caheri Gutierrez Story
A Kindle Single for $0.99
by James O'Brien
http://www.amazon.com/Until-You-Bleed-Gutierrez-ebook/dp/B00BPYTEKW
You can read it on a Kindle, iPad, tablet, smartphone or computer

This is the story of how it looks and feels when the bullet finds you. It’s the kind of story you encounter in violent neighborhoods across America. Only there's one big difference. 

In old modeling photos, the face of Caheri Gutierrez confronts you with one of human history's miraculous hybrids, a sublime symbol of what we can accomplish, over centuries, if we work together: the big, dark, almond shaped meso-American eyes and wide, pre-Columbian cheekbones; the flared, triangular, European nose; the dark skin — burnt, Mexican; the full, downward, frowning mouth pure early 21st century Oakland, California, USA. 

Gutierrez thought that face was her ticket to the future. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, came the bullet. Suddenly, on a cold night in November 2008, she found herself bleeding, choking, holding her face together with her hands, calculating her very chances of survival.

Caheri Gutierrez' inspiring struggle to heal herself and the city of Oakland is woven with courage, fear and defiance. In many ways, her personal story is much like the story of Oakland itself, a polyglot city, not quite so innocent as it wishes, but a victim nonetheless of the political flailing that comes of desperation and neglect. Like Gutierrez, Oakland is beautiful and wounded, unable to let go of its past and uncertain about its future. 

Until You Bleed is a deeply researched, literate and brutally frank portrait of a city under the gun, and a young, wounded woman trying to change that.

Via Oakland North

Youth Alive! tries to break cycle of violence in Oakland

 

Gutierrez interacts with students of Castlemont High School in Oakland.

 By Debora SilvaPosted March 21, 2013 11:00 am

 

 In a Castlemont High School classroom converted into a theater for the day, seven-year-old Junior returned home from school to face his parents after receiving a bad report card.

“How the hell did you get an ‘F’ in English?” the father asked. “Are you stupid?”

Junior kept his head down.

“You should act like a man,” the father said.

And that’s where Caheri Gutierrez, a 23-year-old woman who has dedicated her life to mentoring teenagers about causes and consequences of violence, interrupted the actors and paused the scene.
“How do you think a 7-year-old boy feels?” Gutierrez asked. “Give me some words, emotions.”
Members of the audience of teenage high school students shouted words from the back of the classroom.

“Scared,” said one student. “Hopelessness,” shouted others. “Suicidal,” someone said.
Gutierrez wrote the words on the board in red marker.

“And what were the very last few words that the dad said to the son?” she asked, as she walked around the classroom.

A handful of students yelled, “Act like a man!”

“Do you think that a 7-year-old boy knows how to act like a man?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “And how do you think Junior’s dad learned how to act like a man? Maybe he was also put down by his father? It’s like a cycle.”

Gutierrez, a member of violence prevention group called Youth ALIVE!, organizes these weekly “Teens on Target” workshops to try and teach high school students about the cycle of violence – and to try and break it. The workshops offer tools to assist students in taking on leadership roles in violence prevention efforts.

“Violence, specifically gun violence, is something we have a lot in the city,” Gutierrez said. “If we don’t educate our kids, and ignore this issue, we are never going to solve it.”

Gutierrez’s workshops target youth that live in neighborhoods with high crime rates. The program is particularly meaningful in a neighborhood like deep East Oakland that sees higher violence compared to the city as a whole.

“I feel like raising awareness for a core group of students around violence prevention is very important to school and community change,” Castlemont Principal John Lynch said. “They build their leadership voice, their critical thinking around violence and their abilities to advocate for change with adults and peers.”

Castlemont students meet Gutierrez twice a week and participate in workshops with the goal of becoming “peer educators.” Gutierrez also works with students at Reach Academy, Elmhurst Community Prep and Roots International Academy, among other schools. At the end of the course, the students give presentations at middle schools in Oakland. They receive a monthly stipend for their work and gain bonuses for engaging in community events.

“The kids [from middle school] see these youth and they say, ‘Okay, he just told me the real facts about gun violence,’” Gutierrez said. “He is telling me that it’s not cool, so it might not be cool to do this. That makes the difference itself.”

TNT trained 25 Castlemont students last year, Gutierrez said. This year so far, 33 young people are getting prepared to engage in workshops in Oakland’s middle schools.

“Sometimes people of Oakland won’t listen to someone with a badge, a certificate, a degree from Stanford,” Gutierrez said. “They will listen to you if you have some credibility, if you look like them, talk like them.”

And Gutierrez is the kind of person who “is like them,” she said. An East Bay resident since she was 3 years old, she has experienced violence firsthand. In 2008, Gutierrez was riding in her friend’s car near San Leandro Boulevard and 98th Avenue when someone drove by and shot in their direction, hitting her in the jaw.

While hospitalized, Gutierrez met Tammy Cloud, a staff member with Youth ALIVE!. Cloud was conducting a program called Caught in the Crossfire, a hospital-based peer intervention program that supports youth who are recovering from violent injuries.

Gutierrez left the hospital after several months and multiple surgeries to reconstruct part of her face. With the support of Youth ALIVE! programs, she said, she gained strength to persevere.

“My mom is a Latino woman, immigrant, who didn’t really know how to speak English, how to navigate systems and services,” Gutierrez said. “There were so many services and resources that I could receive by being a victim. Youth ALIVE! helped me to find these services and to keep my life going.”

Gutierrez’s officially joined Youth ALIVE! as her first job after the shooting. She frequently visits schools to speak with kids about violence, from causes and consequences to solutions. For her, she said, the work is part of her own recovery process.

“I find that being here is like my therapy,” said Gutierrez, who still carries a scar on the right side of her jaw. “I get to process what happened to me. It keeps me going.”

While interacting with students brings healing for Gutierrez, teenagers at Castlemont say her presence provides comfort in their classroom.

“She understands your side of the story,” said Jazzmine Fromayan, 15, who joined the program because she was “tired of seeing family members and friends dying in the streets.”

“Some students don’t have the right role model to tell them about life, they don’t have a big brother or big sister to tell them, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that,’” Fromayan said. “Here, we all communicate in the same way.”

Youth ALIVE! is an organization based in Oakland that aims to intervene in the violence plaguing communities at risk. For more information about the organization, visit: www.youthalive.org

Moving In

 I received a ton of great news in a week. The publishing of my story and now the awesome news from my new landlord : the place is mine!

For a couple of months ive been searching high and low , east and west and finally I found a beautiful apartmen in a safe haven. One of my biggest concerns was location (I still have a hard time sleeping because of my PTSD ) I get really anxious at night. That is one of the reasons I moved out of Oakland into Castro Valley 4 years ago. The location of my new apartment is perfect for me in addition it is very spacious and cute.

 I feel like such an adult. But ive also realized that being an adult kinda SUCKS! So many bills and responsibilities, talk about a budget. Im ready to take it on though.

Well now the search for bathroom mats, couches, curtains and kitchen cooking things begins.

My second Holy Names High School experience

  I love Holy Names! The first time I set foot on that beautiful intricate campus was in 2003. I was an 8th grader at St.Anthony's Year Round School and was on a mission to find the perfect highschool. Unfortunately Holy Names was far beyond my mom's financial reach. I remember wishing that I could afford to go there. That fantasy never left me. 

In February I got an email from my supervisor telling me that a Holy Names engagement was forthcoming. All i could see where little hearts and party hats , I was too excited and honored! It was a great experience to come back as a young adult and now educate the girls of Holy Names.

The Holy Names High School ladies say Youth Alive rocks, I say Holy Names Rocks!!!!

HNHS Welcomes Youth Alive

A Student Reflection by Josie Icaza ’15

On Tuesday February 5, the girls of Holy Names High School had an assembly that that would touch all of their hearts. The assembly was entitled: “The Cycle of Violence”. It started off as any normal assembly. Then, Ms. Wujek introduced the group, Youth Alive. Three lovely people came from behind the curtain: Demetria Huntsman, Smooth Wickcliff, and Caheri Gutierrez. Youth Alive is a violence prevention group who spends a lot of their time helping the kids at Castlemont High School. “Everyone deserves equality of life,” they said. They spent the rest of the assembly demonstrating situations that are “hard for the human spirit to carry”, such as gender discrimination and abuse.

It never occurred to me before this assembly how destructive it is to use the term ‘act like a man’. Men are expected from a young age to ‘”act like a man.” But what does the general term mean? Youth Alive showed us exampled of how boys are expected to handle their problems on their own, even in situations they can’t win. When they fall and scrape their knee as a kid, they need to wipe their tears, and get over it. It made me think: if they’re expected to handle situations by themselves, does that mean they can use a weapon to help even up the odds? Also, if they can’t express sadness, does that mean they are allowed to resort to drinking away their problems, or replacing sadness with anger?

We then identified how a person in a violent household might feel: sadness, hopelessness, and a sense of being lost. Unfortunately, unless someone intervenes, the cycle of violence starts again when that person has kids.

The next two days were spent reflecting on what we heard, and learning about dating violence. Caheri was the group leader for the freshwoman and sophomores. She shared her personal story and brought the whole room to silent tears – every girl giving her 101% respect for what she had to go through. She taught us how to recognize the red flags in our relationships.  We learned that honeymoon, tension, eruption, and promise of change make up the cycle of dating violence.

The people of Youth Alive are doing truly amazing work. They brought so much insight to a subject that needs to be talked about, yet no one ever does. They are the change they want to see in the world. I am so grateful for their visit to Holy Names, because they left our community stronger and ready to help them make a difference.

Thank you Youth Alive, you rock.

Amazon Kindle Single

So the long awaited Amazon Kindle Single officially published today , a few minutes ago!
Go get your single , it is available for purchase and the best part is that its only $0.99
I cant tell you how ecstatic i am about this. My heart is pumping fast and I keep thinking about my mom and my brother, my sister and father. Also my family in Mexico ...wishing that my grandparents were alive to witness this accomplishment. It also makes me think of all of my friends and all of the people I know from Oakland who have experience a tragedy like mines and EVEN WORSE. If you are reading this now, I hope that you realize that YOU have a story too.

 I hope that with this project I am able to bring attention to the reality of my people and the needs of our city. I hope that this piece inspires youth in urban communities to ALWAYS move forward, even if they think that they never will never be able to.  I pledge to always speak up for my city, Oakland.

Thank you
 Mom, Tammy Cloud, Jim O'Brien, Julie the Paramedic, Highland Hospital, Youth Alive and to all of the people who have continued to support and encourage me.

 

 Until You Bleed: The Caheri Gutierrez Story

My Little Sister Eli

Two of the most commonly asked questions when telling my story is : so how did your little sister deal with it? AND : how is she now?

eli gutierrez

 Little Eli was only 12 years old when she arrived to the scene where my brother laid in a pool of ruby red blood with a gun shot to the head. As i looked left and right with disbelieve of the moment i catched a glance of her. She stood in a dark corner about 10 feet away from where my brothers body was. While paramedics, police officers, my mom and I stood around Gustavo crying and screaming and yelling and talking , Eli stood. Her eyes where blank , she showed no emotion. When i ask her about it she said that she clearly remembers that she stood away in a dark corner just to see if anyone would notice her, no one did. She said she wanted mom to pay attention to her, mom didnt. I could'nt swallow her response...attention? in those circumstances? SERIOUSLY?! and then i thought.... she was only 12, she was just a child. She was just an innocent kid witnessing her brother going through his near death experience, shot in the head , falling into that statistic.

Eli and I , one of the few times we hung out together.

 She was a bitch , I hated her. We fought and argued and locked each other out of our shared room. She enjoyed watching me get scolded by mom, she laughed when things went bad for me. She was moms favorite kid. We hated each other. 

 That cold night in November of 2008 came. I really hate thinking about this part.

 Eli recounts the way things happened that night. She said she came home, it was about 8:45pm she laid on the bed with the TV on. No one was home. 15 minutes later mom walked into the room taking off her mandil, tired from her waitress job. And then my moms phone rang. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" screamed my poor mother. Eli got up from the bed immediately with one person on her mind: TAVO!(my brother). And then my mom shouts "CAHHHHHERRRIIII!!!" My best friend called my mom while i was choking on my blood having my last breaths. She told my mom that I had got shot in the neck and that i was being rushed to highland hospital. Of course when my mom heard "shot in the neck" she thought the worse possible outcome. I wasnt shot in the neck i was shot in my face on the side by my jaw so with all of the blood and meat hanging everywhere i can understand how my best friend thought it was my neck. Mom and Eli ran to the car and drove a few blocks down to my brothers how to pick him up so they could all hopefully get to see me. Here she was again living this trauma, seeing mom cry uncontrollably.

 Eli said that she saw that mom almost fainted once they got to Tavo's house. That Tavo had to carry her to the passenger seat. Imagine that.

 Tavo drove way above the speed limit running every red light that came in their way. Mom cried hysterically. Eli , eli sat in the back kicking and kicking the seat and then punching the seat with all of her might. Screaming "WHYYYYY??? WHYYYY CAHERIIII??!?!!?!?!? WHHHYYYY??!?!!?!?" Tavo was the man of the house he was also ely and moms only grain of hope in that car. He repeatedly told them "calm down calm down shes going to be fine we're going to see her right now". They get to highland hospital ,broken. Rushing to the emergency counter asking for me. 

They anxiously waited with fear in that emergency room. The doctor came in and said "Caheri is alive but i afraid that you wont be able to see her tonight, her injuries are far too serious and we are going to have to take her into the operating room immediately" Thats when Tavo broke. He punched the white wall so hard he broke it and screamed "FUCCCCK" Eli and mom followed with tears,deep burning inhales and exhales and hugs. It happened to that little girl Eli again. 

This time the victim was her sister. Eli said she hated coming to the hospital to visit me. She was afraid of what she would hear she was afraid that i would die. All day and night you heard beeping machine and air suctions and that odor. She tells me that one day after i was in the hospital she asked the doctor "so after this she's going to be better right?" She tells me that the doctor very bluntly said "oh no she's going to need to go through surgery tomorrow , she doesnt have any bone on the right side of her face, shes going to need teeth , her face is paralyzed, her eardrum blew out, she cant talk sifunv9weindmvinmernenc9035ibncnao[PLWEOIMIRTNEdiurngin90wer4tj9fndpowjmr........." Thats what it sounded like. Eli says that when he started tellin her all of this she felt herself moving further and further away from the doctor and reality , she said that at one point all she could see was his lips moving but she couldnt hear anything else , maybe because she didnt want to. She ran out of the ICU into the restroom crying and crying and crying her little heart out. Kicking and punching everything in sight, grabbing her face stabbing her nails into it. 

 She became one of my guardians, my protector, my sister. She wiped my face when needed , clean up the saliva falling from my mouth, suctioned the mucus coming out of the whole in my neck. She would stay in my room until 12 am sometimes just working on her homework and stopping at times just to kiss my forehead.

She dropped out of high school. She was too depressed. She became bitter and cold. She didnt give a fuck. I feel guilty for the way she is now, the girl is so real. She is so transparent , she has no patience and has a huge temper. It takes alot for her to laugh and I mean ALOT.

Our relationship grew a greater bond and our love for each other became deeper. Now I only have her as my true best friend, I only have two friends and she is one of them. She always talks about me to other people, she tells me that im her hero and that im a guardian angel. We talk about so many things and even though we have separate rooms we still sleep in each others bed. I love her and I need her in my life. She is the only person who had the guts to tell me i had food or saliva on my chin or lips when my face my paralyzed. She was the only one who would honestly tell me if i looked ridiculous in a certain outfit , she was the one who encouraged me to start hanging out. She changed my life.

I feel guilty. She is beautiful and she is also broken. Im watching her right now and she's dancing to the sound of a mexican song, looking at me making a funny face. 

  Outside she looks like she's okay but she's colder than cold on a freezing fucking day.