Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My Little Sister Eli

Two of the most commonly asked questions when telling my story is : so how did your little sister deal with it? AND : how is she now?

eli gutierrez

 Little Eli was only 12 years old when she arrived to the scene where my brother laid in a pool of ruby red blood with a gun shot to the head. As i looked left and right with disbelieve of the moment i catched a glance of her. She stood in a dark corner about 10 feet away from where my brothers body was. While paramedics, police officers, my mom and I stood around Gustavo crying and screaming and yelling and talking , Eli stood. Her eyes where blank , she showed no emotion. When i ask her about it she said that she clearly remembers that she stood away in a dark corner just to see if anyone would notice her, no one did. She said she wanted mom to pay attention to her, mom didnt. I could'nt swallow her response...attention? in those circumstances? SERIOUSLY?! and then i thought.... she was only 12, she was just a child. She was just an innocent kid witnessing her brother going through his near death experience, shot in the head , falling into that statistic.

Eli and I , one of the few times we hung out together.

 She was a bitch , I hated her. We fought and argued and locked each other out of our shared room. She enjoyed watching me get scolded by mom, she laughed when things went bad for me. She was moms favorite kid. We hated each other. 

 That cold night in November of 2008 came. I really hate thinking about this part.

 Eli recounts the way things happened that night. She said she came home, it was about 8:45pm she laid on the bed with the TV on. No one was home. 15 minutes later mom walked into the room taking off her mandil, tired from her waitress job. And then my moms phone rang. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" screamed my poor mother. Eli got up from the bed immediately with one person on her mind: TAVO!(my brother). And then my mom shouts "CAHHHHHERRRIIII!!!" My best friend called my mom while i was choking on my blood having my last breaths. She told my mom that I had got shot in the neck and that i was being rushed to highland hospital. Of course when my mom heard "shot in the neck" she thought the worse possible outcome. I wasnt shot in the neck i was shot in my face on the side by my jaw so with all of the blood and meat hanging everywhere i can understand how my best friend thought it was my neck. Mom and Eli ran to the car and drove a few blocks down to my brothers how to pick him up so they could all hopefully get to see me. Here she was again living this trauma, seeing mom cry uncontrollably.

 Eli said that she saw that mom almost fainted once they got to Tavo's house. That Tavo had to carry her to the passenger seat. Imagine that.

 Tavo drove way above the speed limit running every red light that came in their way. Mom cried hysterically. Eli , eli sat in the back kicking and kicking the seat and then punching the seat with all of her might. Screaming "WHYYYYY??? WHYYYY CAHERIIII??!?!!?!?!? WHHHYYYY??!?!!?!?" Tavo was the man of the house he was also ely and moms only grain of hope in that car. He repeatedly told them "calm down calm down shes going to be fine we're going to see her right now". They get to highland hospital ,broken. Rushing to the emergency counter asking for me. 

They anxiously waited with fear in that emergency room. The doctor came in and said "Caheri is alive but i afraid that you wont be able to see her tonight, her injuries are far too serious and we are going to have to take her into the operating room immediately" Thats when Tavo broke. He punched the white wall so hard he broke it and screamed "FUCCCCK" Eli and mom followed with tears,deep burning inhales and exhales and hugs. It happened to that little girl Eli again. 

This time the victim was her sister. Eli said she hated coming to the hospital to visit me. She was afraid of what she would hear she was afraid that i would die. All day and night you heard beeping machine and air suctions and that odor. She tells me that one day after i was in the hospital she asked the doctor "so after this she's going to be better right?" She tells me that the doctor very bluntly said "oh no she's going to need to go through surgery tomorrow , she doesnt have any bone on the right side of her face, shes going to need teeth , her face is paralyzed, her eardrum blew out, she cant talk sifunv9weindmvinmernenc9035ibncnao[PLWEOIMIRTNEdiurngin90wer4tj9fndpowjmr........." Thats what it sounded like. Eli says that when he started tellin her all of this she felt herself moving further and further away from the doctor and reality , she said that at one point all she could see was his lips moving but she couldnt hear anything else , maybe because she didnt want to. She ran out of the ICU into the restroom crying and crying and crying her little heart out. Kicking and punching everything in sight, grabbing her face stabbing her nails into it. 

 She became one of my guardians, my protector, my sister. She wiped my face when needed , clean up the saliva falling from my mouth, suctioned the mucus coming out of the whole in my neck. She would stay in my room until 12 am sometimes just working on her homework and stopping at times just to kiss my forehead.

She dropped out of high school. She was too depressed. She became bitter and cold. She didnt give a fuck. I feel guilty for the way she is now, the girl is so real. She is so transparent , she has no patience and has a huge temper. It takes alot for her to laugh and I mean ALOT.

Our relationship grew a greater bond and our love for each other became deeper. Now I only have her as my true best friend, I only have two friends and she is one of them. She always talks about me to other people, she tells me that im her hero and that im a guardian angel. We talk about so many things and even though we have separate rooms we still sleep in each others bed. I love her and I need her in my life. She is the only person who had the guts to tell me i had food or saliva on my chin or lips when my face my paralyzed. She was the only one who would honestly tell me if i looked ridiculous in a certain outfit , she was the one who encouraged me to start hanging out. She changed my life.

I feel guilty. She is beautiful and she is also broken. Im watching her right now and she's dancing to the sound of a mexican song, looking at me making a funny face. 

  Outside she looks like she's okay but she's colder than cold on a freezing fucking day.