Tuesday, June 28, 2011

music recorded by me


Check out my tumblr blog , as well as my new song I recently posted.
the audio file will read : music by me
The song was recorded a couple of months back, the other artist is my good friend.
This song definately portrays the gangsta girl within me.
Enjoy, have a laugh, go crazy ;)

something similar

Monday, June 27, 2011


I feel like my head is going to explode. So many responcibilities so many tasks so many burdens so many problems so many shit. On top top of that I walk around with a deformity on my face.
I feel so much pressure from my family and from myself. My career is better than ever, I wouldnt change it for the world. May I be getting burned out?
Im overworking myself. I work 7 days a week and now im going to school. Its taking a toll
Im always drinking every chance I get and smoking cigarettes and sometimes I get out of control.
I dont know what to do.
It didnt make it any better when I was asked to come into my mentors office and was told that I am being referred to a therapist. What does that mean?! How am I looking these days?
Ever since then ive been feelin even more insecure. Im usually not like that. WHAT THE FUCK?!
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next presentation will be here.

While preparing this morning for the next appearance for the Girls Scouts of North America, i looked up my next destination. and it brought me back to ...
my brother , prison, my mother, me and juvenile hall.

this place looks very nice, it is actually a ranch. but then i think hey this isnt no resort this is a detention/rehabilitation center, and thats a little sad.
i hope i can instill some knowledge into these queens.
i hope they apply it.

AR "Life Goes On" (Short Film Diary) HD

now , who can film a short film diary like this?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

dear kitty

i havent spoke to you in a while. you see ive been contemplating this whole internet diary. ive been going through emotions high and low, mostly low. i havent had the time to sit down and type, well actually i have i just dont know what to say and how to say. i feel drained
my life will change drastically in a few months, my brother is on trial. And tho ive been stretching myself trying to get in good with DA's and community leaders and attorneys , i fear that it might not even look to good for him. if my brother goes to the penitentiary, if my brother goes to the penitentiary i fear he will di
fuck that i wont finish that sentence.
i have to go now , my brother has court.

Monday, June 20, 2011


Money doesnt make you happy , I feel like dying. My brother is gone.

Friday, June 17, 2011

theres a fire in my stomach

he has court today, if i go, i know i will break down and it will ruin the rest of my day. I have to stay positive because my Castlemont High School students graduate. but if i dont go, im gonna feel guilty.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

2nd Degree _______

hes gonna sit for a while
and to be honest with you
im glad
dont judge me

my older brother goes to jail

Last night i got a text from my cousin Diego saying : 
you know "G" in jail ?

i would like to talk more about him , but at this time id rather not.
the crazy part about it is i dont even know what he is in there for.
this is not the first time my brother goes to jail, and thats the problem.
my brother has a rough past

how can you change someone?


Today I was offered an opportunity
100.00 per hour to speak to the Girl Scouts of Nor Cal in the Santa Clara County

This is going to be a great thing, I just want to give back.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Vision Hispana USA features Caheri Gutierrez

i just wanted to take this time to thank 
Jim O'brien
he is the writer of my story 
visit his blog to get the full version


dear, Jeffrey Campbell i heart you.

ive been obsessed with this booties here. I cant wait to get mines in the mail, so pissed that they are taking forever to get to me.







audience is impressive pt2

United States 2,266

Mexico 21

Italy 11

Germany 7

South Korea 2

mexico's audience increased which means my family and my dad are looking at my blog

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

video vixen

I used to dream of becoming a video vixen
can you imagine that?!
since when is a "video vixen" career credible?!

this is Donell Jones the singer with a group of video models including myself on the far right.

WTH was i wearing???? where was my father?!!?!?
ps. i was 17 years old during this time, no one knew.

NailsDid ; London

NailsDid Clothing

these are pictures from a shoot we did for NailsDid clothing, a very trendy graphic t shirt line that was hitting the scenes fresh in 2008. They where sent exclusively from London to me , so i could develop a name and image for them out here in the bay.

i say it all the time but networking makes the world go round

confessions of a daughter who grew up without a father

I love my dad.
I am just like him.
we are very patient, very kind and very giving.
we are procrastinators and we are free souls.
I wont bite my tongue either, YES I wish my father would have played a bigger role in my life and I also wish my father would have supported us much more.I dont blame him in any way and i dont hold any grudges towards my daddy dear. life is too short and i am glad that i have him still and i know he is glad that i am his daughter. In fact out of the 4 kids that he has, any one will tell you that i am the most dedicated towards him. When a parent is missing in a childs life it affects the childs development tremendously. i wonder how my life would have been if a would have had a daddy. there are times where i fantasize about how my life wouldve turned out, would i had been able to go out ? when would i have started to date? how long could i stay out for? would i have gotten shot? would we be richer? poor? and why wont my father move from mexico to live out here with us? all these questions irritate me.
i love you father


I am looking for a.... director?
in other words im looking for someone to shoot a snipet, a documentary, a video, whatever.
this project will be pitched to HBO for a series.
the starting point of this braid is to give a tv program an illustrated version of the challenges in life that the people in Oakland face. As you may know the bay area is know for a lot of scandals, especially OAKLAND. i think pushing foward with this project at this time would be great.
call me crazy, i dont care. soon they will be dying to dine with us.

contact info

Monday, June 13, 2011


i often ask myself.
i often ask myself.
why me?
every day when i wake im forced to look in the mirror.
and look at my face and look at my neck and look at these scars.
everyday i am reminded that i am not the same.
it hurts.

At the hospital,again.

Im at the hospital again, it is like my home. Im excited about today tho , my doctors promised to bring out the progress photos from nov 08 to now. See everytime I have an appointment here at highland they take profile pictures of me. Im so excited to see them. Today they are coming up with a game plan. You see I still have alot of work to be done. Teeth implants, bone graphs,fillers, cosmetic surgery. I am excited tho. I cant wait till they call my name. Im anxiously waiting.
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Its press time

The caheri gutierrez story was featured in the newspaper
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Friday, June 10, 2011


i am typing anything that comes to my mind because then i will forget.

And I ask that if you have any information or any ideas or any suggestions, email me directly at caherigutierrez@gmail.com

a website: i want a website with sick designing. this website will be for the purpose of marketing merchandise. as well as another outlet for networking. ultimately i want to buy clothes from locals and sell them on the net from this website. i would like it to be called  
Caheri's Closet
the first few pieces sold will be exclusively from my closet. this will include handbags,belts, shoes, accessories, little luxuries and of course clothes and couture.
i would like to feature models wearing the clothes.
which leads to the next opportunity: Models and photographer.
the styling will be done by me and probably my good friend.
so in others words we will all be benefiting. photographers will get their practices as well as their pictures published, models will get their experience as well as exposure.
its all about networking, its all about who you know not what you know, remember that.

thats a good look 

Real eyes, realize.

I would like to believe the people that tell me that i hold my beauty in my eyes. And not just me, but that in fact everyone holds their beauty in their eyes.

As I gaze deeply into your eyes I cry
Your eyes so stunning for those I would die
Just a simple look back would send me heaven bound
Words need not be said nor the utterance of any sound

No matter what I say nor what I could ever do
Could ever come true to one day hear I love you
You are as the wind can only be felt
Monetary gains can never prove your wealth

Your life is rich even if you don’t see it
Your beautiful smile and your clever wit
Your figure I still desire
Your hips I still admire

Beautiful eyes full of pride
Beautiful eyes my arms will be always open wide
Beautiful eyes I still care
Beautiful eyes forever I will still be there
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Audience is impressive

 United States
South Korea

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


I like to liberate myself through fashion, wearing a certain something makes me feel so much better about myself. Thats a little crazy.
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The Nike's

These are the nike's I was wearing when I was shot, you can still see some old blood on the shoe , right on the NIKE word. I dont like to wear these shoes to often, actually I only wore them once since the incident and I felt like I was gonna get shot again. Idk
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a ciggarette

I like this picture, it tells a story.
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Rain man- ya boy

This song reminds me of those days before I was shot. I like to listen to it from time to time and think.
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Last night I cried.

Last night I cried, but it felt so good.
last night I was with the girl who I was with when i got shot.
since the shooting we've had our rough times, we did have a falling out, over some stupid shit.

But we where together , in the same car when the traumatic event took place.
so, even if we want to forget about each other, there is that one event, that life changing experience.

You know, we never talked about it so deep as we did lastnight. it had to have been the combination of the alcohol, the emotions and the long time without seeing each other. we once claimed to be best friends. i dont know if i even believe in those two words, but i do believe that i love that girl in the end.

Well I cried, so much, and so did she and we hugged.
I never really thought about how this shit affected her.
shes traumatized

It all began when we started talking about how weve grown up and how we dont really mess with the town like that anymore and how paranoid she feels every single time a car pulls up next to her. thats not okay.
so i felt bad , in a way i felt like it was my fault that she felt that way. like if i wouldnt have gotten shot , she would be a little more stress free when driving.

I realized that she probably has post traumatic stress disorder, and then the tears came from my eyes.
I said " you dont know how hard it is to look in the mirror everyday" and then she started crying. i was so choked up with emotion that i can barely even say anymore. i dont even remember what else i said. but we hugged and cried on each others shoulders. i cant say that i will ever have another bond like ours. we share a traumatic disordered experience.

we walk around with out heads high and our gucci gucci louis louis fendi fendi prada's in hand, designer shoes and nice cars, like everything is perfect. but inside we are broken we are scar'd. that shit fucked me up you know?

I love that girl with all my heart. Yes, sometimes she did let me down major, but looking back at everything we've been through, shes done more good than bad.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

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When a girls gotta go a girls gotta go

I just had to run out of my house! The screams followed me all the way to the bottom of the stairs. Hair wet, blouse half way buttoned. But I just had to leave. Sometimes living in a house full of girls can be great, yea we all share cool clothes. And give each other good advice and shit like that but godddd , girls can be so frustrating!
See I work every single day, monday thru sunday 8.5 hour shifts ,full time. And I love it I can seriously say I love both of my jobs. But so when I get home, I dont leave I just lounge. All of my free time is consumned by these chicks. Never any time to myself. Im always trying to take care of everyone else that i forget about self care.
I have a small head filled with huge ideas and thoughts and opinions and insecurities and music and designs and memories, feelings ,flashbacks and then of course... ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder). Its a crazy world. On top of that I have these crazy girls in my house too, one sleeps with me in my bed, shes my little sister, eli.
I feel like my brain is blogged with so much , to the point where I forget the next word that im gonna say, this is truth!
My manager is a therapist in the making, he attends the grad program at cal to get his masters in that field. So when we met for our weekly check ins I had to spill the soup. He suggested that I need some ,SELF TIME! I need to go out and take a long walk BYMYSELF, or go to the gym BYMYSELF, go grab coffee BYMYSELF, in other words relax by myself.
Hes right , I drain myself so much just listening to these girls argue and talk.
I wake up to these bitches (excuse my language) screaming at each other, fuccck that. I get in the shower, get out brush my hair throw on some levi shorts a tank and blouse and some sandals, im out of here. At first I was running to starbucks which is one block away from my house(thank you god), but then I just walked, looked up at the sky and continued thinking about life.
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Monday, June 6, 2011

game plan

I love it!!! Ahhh im fucking out of breath. me and my sister just got done taking shots and jumping on my cali king bed...why?! Yea partly because we are typsaaaay but ultimately because we came up with a really good game plan. Literally a bussiness plan. Tomorrow ill go to the bank and ill go to the site and see what it dizzle. Just a question? Can you think of any glamy up scale mexican restaurant in the east bay? Well beside pinata , pinata is all g for sure but its more casual cute... I want: BIG, roomy, pretty decor, fireplace, mariachi, a very hollywood place, on the waterfront. Im biting my lip and crossing my fingers. I mean shit , this can be the blueprint. Toodles!
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At the hospital

Im here at highland hospital. It almost feels like home. I mean stepping back and looking at my whole life in general , I only spent 2 months here. But yet it feels like I spent half of my life here? It mightve been the drugs , the anxiety the depression the dark winter weather.
Some people are vips at clubs Im vip at highland hospital. Very important patient, haha. Its so sad. As im sitting in this chair waiting for the staff to come greet me and the doctor to come examinate, I feel... A little sad. I dont think sad is the right word, but I dont feel like leaving this window and logging on thesaurus. I remember when I first came back to reality here at highland. It was days after I first busted throught the emergency room doors.
I have so many memories here in this hospital. Like the time I was in the tcu (transitional care unit). The physical therapist had been working with me rehabilatating me ,getting me to balance my skinny corp with this huge heavy piece of wax I had screwed on my face. So it was the first day that I finally touched the hospital floor and took my very first steps, like a baby. It was such a good feeling. My family and my close friends got to see this event. The first thing I did was I took a cat walk down the isle and posed at the end , like I was a model. I guess i wanted to prove to myself that i still had it in me.
Then there was the first time I cried since the shooting. Btw when i was shot, I didnt feel a thing! I didnt cry I didnt scream , I just laid there thinking about my family, trying to hold on to every single breath. Well back to the first time I cried since being hospitalized...The doctors had given me an ultimatum: "if you want to go home, you either have to start eating or we wil have to oparate your stomach to instill an automatic feeder" aaaaah! So I tried to drink as many soups and swallow as many jellos but it wasnt enough, so the nurse and doctors tried the worst thing ever... They suggested sticking a long tube down my throat into my stomach where they could just pour stuff down and I would be fed. I felt like a monkey and this was an experiment. My mouth was wired ,there wr screws on my face , I couldnt get this fucken tube down there. I finally cried and cried the loudest cry. I gave up for the first time. I just wanted to die then.
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Happy birthday mommy

Yup im officially lucifer! Haha just kidding. But happy birthday mommy. You mean the world to me , everything I do I do it for you. You inspire me to challenge myself and because of that im a strong bitch. You single mother you! Mom I wish you would never get old... I dont ever want you to leave me. I cant even begin to imagine I mean I dont even want to. Thinking back on memories when you cared so much for me and always wr my number one fan, you still are. U always encouraged and supported my dreams. Wow your such a sweet mommy. Im sorry for the years when I was a ghost at home and a bitch to your face. Your so patient so funny so sexy so cute so loving mommy. I cant wait to get richer and buy you some property and whatever else you want. Te quiero chikita bonita.
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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Jenny from the block

This Juicy Couture heather grey velour jumpsuit is bomb.com
The elastic scrunch at the mid waist is key! It accentuates your curves while the soft stretchy fabric hugs your imperfections making it the perfect piece for any event. Simple yet very versatile, now go couture yourself.

-caheri , xoxo
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Hoping that one day I will wake up and be estatic about what I see in the mirror. Until then, ill just keep on gettin money.
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Ashley had a valid theory, about china. Which leads to the question : how many chinese males are actually hung? Is that even possible? No offense
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Saturday, June 4, 2011

I hate you

I hate people they always stare at my scars, I hate people they never fail to remind me. I hate people they always fucken judge me, fucken bitch.
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I want you to be free dont worry about me / I dont want you to be free please worry about me
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At the cafe

As I stood in line , I connected eyes with peter, he sat there mysteriously. In a dark maroon peacoat, shaggy strawberry blonde hair and forest green eyes. "youre really cute" I say "huh" ... "i said youre really cute" . Im uncomfortable , was he say saying that jockingly? Or did he in fact mean it? "grilled cheese and tomato soup!" Yells the lady. Thats me! I rush to the register and glance at peter. Then I pick up my order and rush out of the cafe.
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Friday, June 3, 2011

you think you know but you have no idea , the november 2008 testimony

while at buttercups restaurant , i recieved a call from my mom.
"caheri im really tired from work and my feet are exhausted , can you go clean the office for me please, i really need you to." "yea mom watever i guess, bye" "bye"
i told my friend danny hey , can you give me a ride to the office over by nine-eight.of course he said yea.
i didnt want to be alone with him in this office while i was cleaning it so i called my best friend. " bitch come outside , come with me to the office"  within 20 minutes it was a party of three.
 we hopped on the freeway , rolled up some blunts sparked up a Newport and turned the bass up.
exit :golf links aka 98th.
as were coming down 98th im looking around at oakland. im high. but not worries in mind, except maybe the office and how severely dirty it might be.
we pass up e 14 coming down 98th.
just before we reach the light on 98th and san leandro

Ice City Almanac: I Might Have Some Hope Here (Parts 1 through 5)

Ice City Almanac: I Might Have Some Hope Here (Parts 1 through 5): "I Might Have Some Hope Here: The Caheri Gutierrez Story Part 1: Lights “We were on 98th going toward the airport, just in the car, li..."

Rich shit

fuck what they say
im still real pretty
ive seen the world nikka city to city
its funny how so many claim to be the hardest
 im runnin' down yo chick
like im movin on target 
and I told you
i will never stop 
their hate flys 
like bullets pop pop
killas keep it quiet
my brother told me that
its the essentials baby
i aint here to beef
i keep my profile discrete 
cause i want a 
yacth , penthouse suite, silk sheets
christian louboutin on my pedicured feet
a foreign car for every day of the week

my nigga carry heat yallllll
mac -tek -nines -pump -straps and a nina 
im so exoctic sign me : wilhelmina 
and thats a model joint 
for hoes that didnt know
you glueing press ons bitch 
while im countin dough

my money dirty 
but it make me shine to clean
make the realest nigga wanna drop to his knees
and then beg pleassse
till im satisfied 
then ima smile
im killin it with my godamn style

you will never see me on ground level 
you bitches is ordinary
haaa, what i tell you

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Daddy wasnt there

Once upon a time there was a young woman who became a mother to a daughter, who eventually grew up without a father.

Daddy wasnt there to take me to the fair when I was 5.

Daddy came into my life when I no longer felt him inside.

The thought of a perfect father has always lingered in the depths of my thoughts. But my perfect daddy didnt excist. I had visions of a king with a big smile who was intelligent funny caring and representable.

But when I met the good ol father , I was struck. I was more starteled at the fact that he was my biological father and I lawfully and naturally was his. I wasnt comfortable. And he didnt make me proud.

He is not the king I dreamt of , he is the peasant I cant ignore. As he approaches his later years I arrive with meloncoly.

This is my father. This is the man. Hes just a human, I can understand. Id like to judge him but theres no good in that.

-the daughter of a father.
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I cant sleep, its anxiety, too much to think about too much to process.
Are dreams real anyway?
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Britney spears and christina augilera

I feel like im christina augilera in the late 90s, when britney spears was blowing up , from j14 posters to britney spears dolls even 3rd graders knew the words to her song and probaby even performed her songs in talent shows (cough cough* that was me). So anyways you get my point. In the mist of her success lingered a girl, a talented girl, by the name of christina augilera. And oddly enough christina was packed with real talent , hitting the real high notes no reverb. But yet people didnt recognize her and praised her as much as they idolized britney. (Sighs)
Well if we recall to my opening sentence, you might be scratching your head a little wondering where im going with this huh? Yes, annoyingly I feel like christina augilera right now, you see theres this girl. Shes cute, shes always been, from the first day I laid eyes on her. Yea she posed along the wall with boyfriend and his friends during summerschool one day at ehs. They called hef "keel". I almost felt threatend but I looked at her and looked and me and looked at him and said "psssh nevaa"
I didnt pay her no mind because i was a local celebrity,an internet sensation collecting groupies around the country. Groupies? YES. I became a bay area vixen during that time. I was a model, an elite party promoter, an icon, a sensational vixen. Now I had everyones attention including "keel"s. In fact keel became on of my avid followers, ditto-ing my steez, my crazy kid style, rockin the cat liner and other details like that. Comments on almost every picture, messages incinuating a meeting between the two of us.
Of course I thought I was too cool to give some one like her the time of day.

But now, shes the one whos too cool. Music videos, million dollar deal, mtv air time,fans galore. Music is something ive always wanted to do, and im actually good at it. Hey, no disrespect but I think I can do a better job than her at this new found career shes blowing into. Its kinda like shes britney spears and im christina augilera. I want to clarify that both britney and christina deserve their credentials, I love britney spears too , but as far as who the crown of musical talent goes to...yea its christinas.
Ultimatly I am happy for her , for "keel" I am.
I guess everything comes when the time is right. After all, britney fell through the cracks and christina bloomed and finally got the respect and recognition she always deserved. Its safe to say shes doing better than britney nowadays.