my first video edit

first short documentary

Debora Silva a reporter from Oakland North filmed and directed this piece. It was emotional for me to watch because my mom makes an appearance and talks about the night it happened. I am super pleased and feel honored with this project. Thank you Oakland North.

dear feb.

I havent checked in a while. So much has happened since the last time i inserted a blogger entry.
But today i find myself calm, collective and proactive. Today i start educating the 8th graders at Frick middle school in Oakland. Im very anxious to get my feet wet and embark a new relationship and conversation with the kids and staff here.
Frick middle has had experiences with violence. A couple of years ago a student was run over by a car while she was crossing the street, alot of her classmates saw the incident, i know it was traumatic. When i can relate to people or when people can relate to me this experience and curriculum unfolds beautifully.
Im anxious to speak out this morning. I have my brother heavily on my mind and i still have some depression and ptsd floating around. It seems to me that i heal when i speak out about my these situations, these consequences and better yet these alternatives.

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NailsDid ; London

NailsDid Clothing

london

these are pictures from a shoot we did for NailsDid clothing, a very trendy graphic t shirt line that was hitting the scenes fresh in 2008. They where sent exclusively from London to me , so i could develop a name and image for them out here in the bay.

i say it all the time but networking makes the world go round

At the hospital

Im here at highland hospital. It almost feels like home. I mean stepping back and looking at my whole life in general , I only spent 2 months here. But yet it feels like I spent half of my life here? It mightve been the drugs , the anxiety the depression the dark winter weather.
Some people are vips at clubs Im vip at highland hospital. Very important patient, haha. Its so sad. As im sitting in this chair waiting for the staff to come greet me and the doctor to come examinate, I feel... A little sad. I dont think sad is the right word, but I dont feel like leaving this window and logging on thesaurus. I remember when I first came back to reality here at highland. It was days after I first busted throught the emergency room doors.
I have so many memories here in this hospital. Like the time I was in the tcu (transitional care unit). The physical therapist had been working with me rehabilatating me ,getting me to balance my skinny corp with this huge heavy piece of wax I had screwed on my face. So it was the first day that I finally touched the hospital floor and took my very first steps, like a baby. It was such a good feeling. My family and my close friends got to see this event. The first thing I did was I took a cat walk down the isle and posed at the end , like I was a model. I guess i wanted to prove to myself that i still had it in me.
Then there was the first time I cried since the shooting. Btw when i was shot, I didnt feel a thing! I didnt cry I didnt scream , I just laid there thinking about my family, trying to hold on to every single breath. Well back to the first time I cried since being hospitalized...The doctors had given me an ultimatum: "if you want to go home, you either have to start eating or we wil have to oparate your stomach to instill an automatic feeder" aaaaah! So I tried to drink as many soups and swallow as many jellos but it wasnt enough, so the nurse and doctors tried the worst thing ever... They suggested sticking a long tube down my throat into my stomach where they could just pour stuff down and I would be fed. I felt like a monkey and this was an experiment. My mouth was wired ,there wr screws on my face , I couldnt get this fucken tube down there. I finally cried and cried the loudest cry. I gave up for the first time. I just wanted to die then.

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