I am 23 years young (I say that proudly lol) and I am newly taking on the role of a case manager along with being an educator for my agency Youth ALIVE! What does this mean? More responsibility. It also means leading by example , it's also means I can't express the truth about how I feel about certain shit it also means I shouldn't be engaging in certain actives or events that go on in Oakland because ultimately I am working to serve and represent my community and so how are people from Oakland especially older cats going to take me serious. Sigh!
This is true. I found myself realizing that I couldn't post certain pictures (like ones of me talented lot twerking lol) or me taking shots at a celebration , smoking a cigarette and things like that. I mean I guess the fact that I never posted pictures like that is a good thing but I was starting to feel like I couldn't participate in ratchet activities with my friends. I'm sure some of you are thinking "why would you want to partake in that?" But I must remind you all I AM 23.
So I spent many days and weekend nights in my apartment thinking about what really matters to me. Of course my career and future came in the lead. I had made a blurry manifestation in my mind that for the sake of my future I would not participate in risky activities. What really made this decision clear and permanent was when my friend drove me to the 7street car races on a Saturday night. We pulled up to the scene and it seriously looked like a Fast and The Furious movie. There was a large crowd of young folks with their cars parked and some where racing. My heart starting beating fast and I got this intuition feeling that I shouldn't be there. I felt like a governor at the strip club ... It felt so wrong but it felt so good. Actually it didn't feel that great because I was mostly nervous and crazy paranoid. Before I could say what I thought was going to happen- it happened. I looked towards the crowd and there they were, a group of my former students. Before I could die I told my friend to to " Get me the hell out of here." After that night I made a stern decision. Fuck this shit.
I also started to get very sick of the posts that people would upload on IG. It was very negative, disempowering, pathetic, annoying, unreal and plain ridiculous. I must say that I will miss a handful of my IG fellows. But I will live.
I have decided to keep my Facebook only because I pretty much only have my family in my network and in terms of priorities I have learned that family is always first. So fuck friends , I'm all about my beloved down ass family.
I foresee a great new start. I am stepping into this professional alter ego role , this promotion is something I have always wanted and I will not jeopardize it.
So this is where I am now. Deleting my Instagram and divorcing my youth. I feel great about it.