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I can be the shy-est

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lay it on a pillow

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A day in the life , the Youth Alive life

WTF is the point of having a "dad" ?!

wtf, disappointing ass males1 I just cant understand and i dont even want to try to understand , there shouldnt be an excuse at this point hello its 2011 , your kids are hella old now. PEACE!

To my brother G

Burn it homes, isnt that what your friends always say? Get money and fuck bitches all day?! I know deep inside you wanna run away catch a plane and move to another state. This life here in oakland is nothing but shit, all niggas in the streets fuck the same hoes use the same drugs and wear the same clothes. You say you wanna die young, truly you sound dumb. Theres something wrong in your dome. It seems like you hate home. I aint trippin no moe im eighteen, shit aint the same anymore. There where nights i couldnt sleep thinking about you getting killed, put in a bag and took to a creek but now you really killed my dreams i see past you and i got differeng views. I still love you and your still my hero even though you lost your mind. Yellin r.i.p. To yo niggas 6 feet deep standing there thinking "that couldve been me" im not gonna sit here and ask why anymore because i got a life, if you wanna stay behind then go ahead and die. Theres nothing colder than hearing a young girl cry. But i cant do shit about the situation where the colors dont split thats why you die young where the bullets fly

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No no no no no

I just had a dream I shot some one and killed him. It was so graphic. The guy was actually shooting at some people i know and i ran and tried to take the gun away from him but instead I turned it on him and shot him several times in his neck. He instantly died. Then his whole crew was looking for me and my family, I had to move and leave my job behind.
I am so scared I woke up sweating and heart beating, just like I always used to wen my pstd was thru the roof after getting shot.
This is a nightmare, and just wen I thought I was mentally heald I realize my brain and emotions are still suffering. I have to try and get sleep, work in a couple hours fml.

stress disorder

you have no idea how scared i am of having this meeting with my mentor my boss and my therapist!!!! today at 1! fuck no i don't want to do it. the truth is , they've been noticing some changes in me, and they want to meet to talk about it!!!
i am holding so much in ever since my brother got put away , i know that i will explode into tears and sorrow when i open my mouth... I DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE THAT!!!
so i have PTSD which is post traumatic stress disorder, i have a stress disorder, when i am stressed or get depressed i start forgetting the simplest things!
but shit i am so stressed its not even healthy. i have to deal with so many peoples shit! i have people calling me from jail during work and then they get mad that i don't answer?!!? sorry bitch I HAVE A JOB , A RESPONSIBILITY. i will never waste time and put a jail person before my career.
then i have this weight on my shoulder about my brother, in my family i am the one with the income and some if we want to do anything it all comes down to me, WTFFF?!!!!
and of course im dealing daily with my insecurities and scars and deformation and weight and all this shit.
i dont know what to fucking do.