Friday, July 1, 2011

stress disorder

you have no idea how scared i am of having this meeting with my mentor my boss and my therapist!!!! today at 1! fuck no i don't want to do it. the truth is , they've been noticing some changes in me, and they want to meet to talk about it!!!
i am holding so much in ever since my brother got put away , i know that i will explode into tears and sorrow when i open my mouth... I DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE THAT!!!
so i have PTSD which is post traumatic stress disorder, i have a stress disorder, when i am stressed or get depressed i start forgetting the simplest things!
but shit i am so stressed its not even healthy. i have to deal with so many peoples shit! i have people calling me from jail during work and then they get mad that i don't answer?!!? sorry bitch I HAVE A JOB , A RESPONSIBILITY. i will never waste time and put a jail person before my career.
then i have this weight on my shoulder about my brother, in my family i am the one with the income and some if we want to do anything it all comes down to me, WTFFF?!!!!
and of course im dealing daily with my insecurities and scars and deformation and weight and all this shit.
i dont know what to fucking do.

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