Thursday, August 25, 2011

I get so frustrated sometimes.

Check it , before getting shot i was on the road to media success.
I loved it , it was my passion, photo-shoots,blogs,music video appearances,meetings for shows with MTV,promoting parties in different cities, fashion shows,designing, styling models, featured in the newspaper, recording music. I had my hands full , full of what i wanted. 
I had boys galore ,girls galore shit was gooood.
 Now i see my folks coming up and im a little jealous, like FUCK i couldve beeeen on the map if it wasnt for this fucken deformity that i walk around with, my fucking face kills it man.
For the most part im coo, i mean i gotta a promising job now that i do love with a passion, great salary,people know my name in the community  blah blah but, im not complete.
There is a big chunk that still remains empty in my happy cirle... its the media fufillment. oh and also the male that i want in my life, but we will leave that for another blog haha.
anyways yes its this artsy part of me that just laid back and locked itself in a treasure chest ever since i got shot. i guess its cause of the insecurity, i mean obviously i cant be a model anymore , and idk i guess i have to get 100% comfortable with myself to even want to try to be on tv.
Its just alot of shit that i still want to do.
sometimes i wish i was never shot, i probably wouldve been famous by now. 
i believe things do happen for a reason , after being shot i left that social butterfly attitude and went back to that scholar community leader i was before i started getting into modeling.
i dont miss my old life , i just miss my old confidence to be out there.

1 comment:

  1. You're an amazing woman.. I used to keep tabs on u when.u were modeling n stuff I always wanted to're work... I was so intrigued by u... by you're looks..... but now I'm even.more intrigued by you're mind I.just want to read all you're blog postings I will sit here all day lol.. you're here for a purpose babe if you can.make an impact in 1 persons life then you've done what God has kept you here to do. I don't know u but I freaking love everything about in I'm not a lesbian I just recognize a real icon when.I see one. Being.on.TV and being noticed and shit... leave it.for the birds. God is telling you that you are way more than that.. you're bigger than the box you keep yourself in. Take care beautiful. Keep that mind of.yours complex.