Monday, September 5, 2011

I Wish I Could See What You See

Complaining doesnt do anyone any justice and i am always complaining about my face. 
Im always in the mirror making faces, smiling , frowning, blank staring, turning my head side to side to catch a better view, ultimately i give up, turn the lights off and leave the room.
I hatttttttttte to be a victim i hatttte that word ... i like survivor better. And as i read my blog i realized mostly all i do is mope around talking about how ugly and i am and how my life sucks. How annoying, but honestly i never say this shit to get a response or a "im sorry caheri" or whatever... this is genuinely how i feel. I went from making people do a double take when they saw my cute face to people doing a double take to see my scar face. 
Its so hard for me to adjust to being this way, I dont know what else to do,  im almost to the point where i never want to go to another party, its pathetic.

Today i had a conversation with my mom about why i would rather be dead. As i tried to fight the tears i explained why. I just cant deal with my face, She fought hard to explain to me that "not just because i was her daughter" i am remarkably beautiful. 
I dont know what to believe, i wish i could see what other people "see"... are they being honest? or do they just feel bad? 

I am my worst critic, i say the foulest shit to myself, i clown myself the hardest about my face, i point every flaw out without hesitation, i speak the truth to myself.
This literature might be a little on the edge, a little ridiculous, a little annoying, a little scary...
but if you were in my shoes, you would understand completely. 
Trust me 


  1. From reading your blogs I see that your unhappiness is heavily based on your physical appearance, and although you are right, many of us dont and may never know what it is to have a highly visible scar on our face, we might not also know what it is to have recognition for our accomplishments, which as I far as I can tell it is something you are blessed to have. I think what I am trying to get at is that you have a lot going for yourself and a lot to offer this world and thats what make you a beautiful person. Remember, beauty is not only defined by a persons physical appearance, but by a persons personality, traits and insight. Maybe if you start focusing on those qualities that make up your persona, you will see what we see.

  2. wish you could see how beautiful you really are..