Complaining doesnt do anyone any justice and i am always complaining about my face.
Im always in the mirror making faces, smiling , frowning, blank staring, turning my head side to side to catch a better view, ultimately i give up, turn the lights off and leave the room.
I hatttttttttte to be a victim i hatttte that word ... i like survivor better. And as i read my blog i realized mostly all i do is mope around talking about how ugly and i am and how my life sucks. How annoying, but honestly i never say this shit to get a response or a "im sorry caheri" or whatever... this is genuinely how i feel. I went from making people do a double take when they saw my cute face to people doing a double take to see my scar face.
Its so hard for me to adjust to being this way, I dont know what else to do, im almost to the point where i never want to go to another party, its pathetic.
Today i had a conversation with my mom about why i would rather be dead. As i tried to fight the tears i explained why. I just cant deal with my face, She fought hard to explain to me that "not just because i was her daughter" i am remarkably beautiful.
I dont know what to believe, i wish i could see what other people "see"... are they being honest? or do they just feel bad?
I am my worst critic, i say the foulest shit to myself, i clown myself the hardest about my face, i point every flaw out without hesitation, i speak the truth to myself.
This literature might be a little on the edge, a little ridiculous, a little annoying, a little scary...
but if you were in my shoes, you would understand completely.